Rejection sensitivity is something many people experience, but for some, especially gifted children and those with ADHD, rejection can be overwhelming. Dr. Katie Bellon, a licensed clinical psychologist who’s worked with kids, teens, and adults, recently shared her thoughts on this topic at Mackintosh Academy. She gave some great tips for parents and caregivers. You can watch the video on YouTube or read on for a summary.
What is Rejection Sensitivity?
Rejection sensitivity refers to a heightened emotional sensitivity to rejection, whether it’s real or perceived. It’s normal to be a bit wary of rejection in social situations, but some people feel this way more strongly. Dr. Bellon explained that gifted kids and those with ADHD are especially vulnerable because they’re emotionally sensitive and aware of social issues.
For these kids, even small things like a friend’s casual comment or a teacher’s honest feedback can trigger a fight-or-flight response. This reaction often feels way out of proportion to the situation, leaving parents puzzled by their child’s intense emotional outbursts or withdrawal.
The Role of Emotional Reasoning
Emotional reasoning, which is mistaking feelings for facts, poses a significant challenge for rejection-sensitive individuals. For instance, a child might mistakenly believe, “No one likes me,” after a friend rejects an invitation, despite the friend’s valid reason. This distorted thinking can perpetuate negative self-images and hinder personal growth.
Dr. Bellon stressed the importance of helping kids understand and challenge their emotional thinking. Parents can help their kids by giving them a different story, like, “Your friend couldn’t come over because they had another thing to do, not because they don’t like you.” This way, kids can change how they see these experiences and become stronger.
Kids who are sensitive to rejection can react in two ways: they can act out or they can feel sad and ashamed. Acting out can mean lying, blaming others, or getting angry. These reactions are usually quick and easy to spot. For example, a kid might lie about doing their homework to avoid disappointing their parents, even though the lie makes things worse.
Feeling sad and ashamed is different. In this case, children may withdraw, criticize themselves, or feeling bad about themselves. These reactions can be harder to see, but they can be just as hurtful. Dr. Bellon noted that it’s important to notice these patterns and help kids deal with their feelings.
How ADHD and Social Media Make Things Worse
Kids with ADHD can have even more trouble with rejection sensitivity because they have difficulty controlling themselves and paying attention. Dr. Bellon said that children with ADHD might get up to 20,000 more negative comments by the time they’re 10 years old compared to other children. This constant criticism can make them feel worse about themselves and increase their rejection sensitivity.
Social media makes things even harder. Platforms like Instagram and TikTok can make kids feel left out or hurt by comments. For kids who are sensitive to rejection, these feelings can be just as bad as being rejected in person.
How Parents and Caregivers Can Help
Dr. Bellon gave some tips to help kids build emotional strength:
- Show unconditional love and appreciation: Even when your child is acting out, make sure they know you value them. Celebrate their efforts, not just their achievements.
- Praise the process, not just the outcome: Gifted children, in particular, can get too caught up in perfection. By praising their effort and persistence, you can help them develop a growth mindset.
- Create a safe space for mistakes: Normalize failure by sharing your own mistakes and modeling resilience. Encourage your child to take risks and view setbacks as opportunities for growth.
- Teach self-regulation skills: Help your child find calming strategies like deep breathing or using a sensory tool like a glitter jar. Practice these techniques during calm moments so they’re easier to use when they’re feeling overwhelmed.
- Foster open communication: Encourage your child to talk about their feelings and experiences. Use open-ended questions to help them reflect on their emotions and develop problem-solving skills.
Dr. Bellon also shared her own experience with rejection sensitivity, saying that parenting a child with ADHD helped her understand her own emotional patterns. She encourages parents to think about their own sensitivities and how they might affect their reactions to their child’s behavior.
Rejection sensitivity can be tough for parents of gifted children and those with ADHD, but with understanding and support, children can learn to manage their emotions and build resilience. By creating a nurturing environment, modeling healthy coping strategies, and celebrating your child’s unique strengths, you can help them thrive in the face of life’s inevitable rejections.
Dr. Bellon’s insights remind us that while rejection is a part of life, how we respond to it can make all the difference. With patience, empathy, and intentional support, we can help our children develop the emotional tools they need to navigate the complexities of relationships and self-worth.